Back in my younger days, I had a lovely stable of lovers who I held on retainer. If I wasn’t in a serious relationship I could call on one to hold me down for a period of time. Each short-term work assignment was carefully planned, and it was never to last longer than 4-5 months. After 5 months, the routine would lead to feelings and a break would be in order. It sounds tidy on paper, but real people rarely stay tidy for long. Still, the arrangement had enough structure to keep things moving.

My guidelines included no more than 2 meetings a week and no questions asked about other contracts unless those contracts were being worked out at the same time. This was no perfect plan, and nothing ever ran smoothly, but for the most part both parties were satisfied. At the top of the year, I burned all contracts and have been a free agent. The point was to keep expectations low and the damage manageable. That worked better than pretending chaos was romance.

Then, last week I received an IM from a guy I know pretty well. He said he was attracted to me, not good at dating right now, and wanted a no-strings attached romp. Really? Folks, this is no way to negotiate a lover. There is a course of action that must take place before anything like that. You do not just toss out an offer and hope for the best. A real proposal needs more thought and more respect.

Prior to drafting up a lover contract, you must hang out with your prospect solo and in public. You have to like your prospect lover as a person and friend, learn what they like, and discuss your exit plan. Needless to say, I plan on turning down his offer. The market is shakey and I’d rather wait until I have a sure thing. If the foundation is weak, the rest will not hold up. Better to wait than to rush into trouble.